I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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