There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
