I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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