So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
