and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
