this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
