He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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