me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
