You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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