Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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