we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
