Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You made out with two different species that night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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