I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
