Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
