So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
