Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
