Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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