Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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