haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
