i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
