i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
