dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
