My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
