i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
