Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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