Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
