hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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