my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize