I'm really into asian looking animals
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
