I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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