you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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