yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
