What a fucking waste of an outfit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
