I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize