Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You left your phone here
Wait...
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