if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
