Im at strip club and am horny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
