You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
