So drunk its hurt
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think my mom watched the whole time
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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