if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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