I just saw a hot homeless man
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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