I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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