She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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