we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
