you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
