I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
