I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
