i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
