I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
