Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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