Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
