I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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