one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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