I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
