the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
