im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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